I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
