i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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