batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
