you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
