I'm jealous of your bromance
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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