We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
