Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
