that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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