Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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