I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
