I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have already put on my inside pants.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
