dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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