you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
