I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
