I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
