i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
