He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
