I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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