She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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