don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
