omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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