You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Randomize
