I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
