My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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