There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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