My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
