On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
