They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
