i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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