first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
