it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
