if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
