I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
