guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
