i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
