you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
