hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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