You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
