a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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