You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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