First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
