i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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