Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
