You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
