IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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