i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
