You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
