sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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