u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize
