Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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