I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
