Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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